Bing Loveawake
Humour Me
How Common Are Open Relationships?
Why Online Dating isn't actually unfair
Surrendering to the man I nearly destroyed
How I became submissive
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Apr 18 - 06:03 | reply to this comment
Re: Double standards
The previous poster replied:
In both cases there's a pleasure in giving up the responsibility but it happens for very different reasons. Yes, when it's happening to take away the guilt of being a "bad girl," I think it's a sad state of affairs.
I agree with you that it is a pity some people feel conflicted about sex, but I think we have already established that that is a straw man. There may be women who might be described by Somerset Maugham's “vowing she would ne'er consent – consented” – with an air of conflict, coyness, and not wanting to take responsibility for having sex – but there are also women like me and the women I have spoken to – of whom that is not at all a good description.
Perhaps another article is called for here. ;-)
Re my ‘complaint’ about sexism – just a bit of gentle teasing. But for the record, a careful reading of my article, Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be, will (unless I wrote really badly – which perhaps I did if you have misunderstood it) tell you that my actual point there was not to decry equality at all really: it was actually to point out that what passes for equality is often in fact coercive and effectively unequal and unpleasant, and that by contrast, Taken In Hand relationships are in a deep sense highly consensual and equal in the sense that matters. I was trying to point out that it is the substance that matters, not the form, and that if you just look at the form and ignore the substance, you will approve of highly coercive, unpleasant but ostensibly ‘equal’ relationships, and you will disapprove of Taken In Hand relationships despite the fact that they are deeply consensual and desired by those involved.
by Sarah Cavendish on 2004 Apr 18 - 06:53 | reply to this comment
Sexism, equality, control...
A reader wrote:
It's kind of surprising to hear complaints about sexism from people who believe the man should be the boss, and where I read articles about how equality isn't what it's cracked up to be.
I realise a lot of us here are capable or writing at great length over this whole sort of relationship (*raises guilty hand*). Given that, it is easy enough to skim the posts and maybe draw the conclusions about who we are and what we're after in a relationship. To be honest, the first time I looked at the site, I really wasn't sure there was anything here for me – but something had hooked me, and the more I read, the more I realised my initial assumptions were mistaken.
So, I have summarised what I've picked up from here in this article.
The complaints about sexism arise, I think, because most of us here think that the man should only be in charge if that's what both partners want, need and desire. Most people here don't seem to think that the man should be in charge regardless of what the woman wants. And finally, most of the women here, from what's written anyway, seem to be strong women in the outside world, involved in jobs in all sectors, including usually male roles.
Humour Me
How Common Are Open Relationships?
Why Online Dating isn't actually unfair
Surrendering to the man I nearly destroyed
How I became submissive
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Apr 18 - 06:03 | reply to this comment
Re: Double standards
The previous poster replied:
In both cases there's a pleasure in giving up the responsibility but it happens for very different reasons. Yes, when it's happening to take away the guilt of being a "bad girl," I think it's a sad state of affairs.
I agree with you that it is a pity some people feel conflicted about sex, but I think we have already established that that is a straw man. There may be women who might be described by Somerset Maugham's “vowing she would ne'er consent – consented” – with an air of conflict, coyness, and not wanting to take responsibility for having sex – but there are also women like me and the women I have spoken to – of whom that is not at all a good description.
Perhaps another article is called for here. ;-)
Re my ‘complaint’ about sexism – just a bit of gentle teasing. But for the record, a careful reading of my article, Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be, will (unless I wrote really badly – which perhaps I did if you have misunderstood it) tell you that my actual point there was not to decry equality at all really: it was actually to point out that what passes for equality is often in fact coercive and effectively unequal and unpleasant, and that by contrast, Taken In Hand relationships are in a deep sense highly consensual and equal in the sense that matters. I was trying to point out that it is the substance that matters, not the form, and that if you just look at the form and ignore the substance, you will approve of highly coercive, unpleasant but ostensibly ‘equal’ relationships, and you will disapprove of Taken In Hand relationships despite the fact that they are deeply consensual and desired by those involved.
by Sarah Cavendish on 2004 Apr 18 - 06:53 | reply to this comment
Sexism, equality, control...
A reader wrote:
It's kind of surprising to hear complaints about sexism from people who believe the man should be the boss, and where I read articles about how equality isn't what it's cracked up to be.
I realise a lot of us here are capable or writing at great length over this whole sort of relationship (*raises guilty hand*). Given that, it is easy enough to skim the posts and maybe draw the conclusions about who we are and what we're after in a relationship. To be honest, the first time I looked at the site, I really wasn't sure there was anything here for me – but something had hooked me, and the more I read, the more I realised my initial assumptions were mistaken.
So, I have summarised what I've picked up from here in this article.
The complaints about sexism arise, I think, because most of us here think that the man should only be in charge if that's what both partners want, need and desire. Most people here don't seem to think that the man should be in charge regardless of what the woman wants. And finally, most of the women here, from what's written anyway, seem to be strong women in the outside world, involved in jobs in all sectors, including usually male roles.